Last year I was attending a conference on adult education at Radford University when the woman who was leading this particular seminar digressed into a confession that she met her husband on eharmony and they were living happily ever after. She must have gushed for at least five minutes on how great it was that this program could weed out all the men that she had nothing in common with and only give her a selection of those who matched her profile. She said it only took six months to find him. Sometimes when I am staying in a hotel I like to watch television and I've seen the ads for this eharmony. I researched the site and others discovered that one pays a monthly fee for this service that, as I recall, was anywhere from $50 to much higher for more exclusivity. My 23 year old daughter was being "cryptic" a few weeks ago about a few dates she had set up and finally admitted to me that she was using an on-line dating service. Technological dating had come quite close to home. I am trying not to be prejudiced against this new method because it does make sense to increase your circle of possible "mates" and at the same time, increase the possibility of common ground. Yet, I am skeptical.
Now I am wondering what your experiences have been with this type of dating. Have you used it? Are there more horror stories than not? Would you use a site such as eharmony and pay for this dating service? I understand there are some free ones... how safe are these? I have done some research on line and have found a plethora of sites and blogs. Many cite the beauty of the method, some relay the horror stories, and others say it is what you make of it. What are your thoughts on techno-dating?
And how does the ease of using technology to find love fit in with an adult's education?
I have never used online dating services, and I don't see myself ever using online dating services. I've heard too many horror stories and I'm a firm believer that you really have no idea who you are talking to or who the person really is, when you are talking to them over the internet. People can say anything over the internet and they can create accounts that make them sound too good to be true, and by the time you figure out who the person really is, you may already be too involved.
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, there are the few people who actually do find their "other half" through online dating services, but I consider those people the lucky ones. For those adults who work full-time and also take classes, online dating can be very convenient, but I'm still skeptical of the whole process.
Personally I have never used any internet dating system, simply because I have a crazy imagination and feel like who I talk to on the computer, will not be the person I meet (I know, I should stop watching Cold Case Files lol). However, I do know people who meet others on facebook and myspace all of the time and this never poses an issue. There is alot more stigma on internet dating services because of the it's purpose, when there is alot of other ways people meet that doesn't require a monthly fee.
ReplyDeletePaying to meet people?? I do not know how I feel about that myself. Calling it a desperate attempt to find someone is a stretch, however I will say that it is somewhat dangerous in my opinion. The crazy thing is that pretty soon, this whole world will turn into one big computer and cars will go out of style because as long as you have a computer you will not even have to leave the house!
I have not had any experience with online dating but do know people who have had huge success with this system. The computer is becoming more and more accessible for a variety of things. For example, holiday shopping did not have a huge increase this year compared to last year. However, online shopping increased by more than 20%. With the computer and internet usage become even more popular, I think online dating will only increase in its popularity as well.
ReplyDeleteAs for my opinion on online dating, I think that the way people choose their "partners" is up to the individual. There are risks with dating online just as there are risks with dating "in person," such as blind dating. As long as you use caution in whom you decide to meet then you can avoid certain risky situations. As "mushy" as it sounds, as long as you find your other half, then you have succeeded in the love department. :)
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ReplyDeleteI do not have anything against online dating. I feel it is just another social avenue people have access to. I have never used it but think all of the same cautions come with online dating as they do with other networking sites. You can always find someone talking about the horrors of myspace and teens. People say you never know who is out there and watching you online, and I think the same goes for online dating. You can never be too sure who are talking to.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I could relate online dating to adult education. However, if older people are signing online to access online dating websites they are using technology and are becoming aware of the world wide web, so this is a plus!
I think that as time goes on online dating will becoming more popular. It is a simple way to meet someone, and it sure is convenient!
Well, here it is the “True Confession” that you have all been waiting for! I met my husband through Match.com in 2003 and we have been together ever since.
ReplyDeleteI moved to Charlotte, North Carolina, in March of 2003. I really did not know too many people and was trying to figure out how I could meet decent folks without having to do the whole “bar scene”.
I had met other men online in social settings, but did not have very good experiences with them. Many of them are predators and are only looking for “one thing” so I began to wonder about the matching sites.
I set up a free profile on Match.com and exchanged emails with one or two males who matched my profile. Within a week, my husband, Joe, through their site, contacted me. Through email correspondence, we determined that we were both new to the area and were looking for someone to casually “date” or just do things with like go to dinner or a movie.
After exchanging some emails and chatting online, I felt comfortable enough to talk to him on the phone. I really did not want to give him my number but decided that I could always change it if I had to. We spent a lot of time talking on the phone getting to know each other for a few weeks. Finally, we were both comfortable enough to meet and decided to go to a concert. It was not considered a “date” per se, but more like “hey, you want to go to a concert with me to see Wide Spread Panic?”
To make a long story short, I ran a background check on him when I began thinking that it may turn into something a little more “serious”. Happily, it came back squeaky clean and the rest is history!
My advice to anyone who may want to consider trying a dating site is to go ahead! You need to use your head and be very careful about sharing your personal information. Unfortunately as with everything else, there are a lot bad people out there looking to take advantage of someone who is vulnerable. If you seriously would like to meet someone who has more in common with you, you should definitely pay the money for the upgraded service. I believe that those who are using the paid sites are far more serious than those who can just join for free and do not have any investment in it. You will more than likely find better quality individuals.
I cannot say that there is any benefit for Higher Education on those dating sites, but it does open up possibilities to making connections with people who share commonalities with you. I believe with the onset of more social networks and tweeting, we will hear more stories of people who have met through technology and lived happily ever after.
On a final note, my youngest brother met his wife on e-harmony shortly after Joe and I met. They are a PERFECT match for each other and now have two adorable children. It does work. So, give it try!
I have not used an online dating service before. However, it seems like a lot of people find success with it. Personally I think age has a lot to do with whether or not someone will be successful, or more specifically maturity level. I feel like younger people think they know what they want when in reality they don't. Older, more mature, adults have experienced what they like and what they don't like. When these mature adults go onto the online dating service and check the traits they like in a man/woman they are fairly accurate about what they want.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the safety factor of online dating services I think that it is no less safe than meeting a man/woman at a bar. I think that no matter what there are going to be risks associated with dating someone you have never really known before and that no one else knows anything about.
Later on in life after dating for a while I would definitely use an online dating service to find love. If you know what you want, then why not get matched with someone you think is Mr. Right.
I actually met five of my last six wives via e-harmony (sorry, could not resist). I have never used the services, and I am not sure if my wife would currently approve if I were to start now however, I don't see how this could be any more or less safe than meeting in a bar or club of some sort and if anything it seems as though the service would provide an initial safety zone to check things out at a distance. So many people spend so much of their lives "plugged in" anyway that this seems like a natural extension of the digital lifestyle for those so inclined.
ReplyDeleteGary, you are funny!
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Kelly, that online dating services seem to be more successful among the more mature audience. I met my husband at work, but know of several adults that have used a service like eharmony with success (are now happily married).
The dating scene can be a bit risky despite the venue…online…bar/club. So, I think you just have to use your best judgment and intuition. Depending on your personality and lifestyle, pre-screen online might not be such a bad way to start.
However, personally I know, I like meeting people face-to-face versus online. This is pretty much the same way I feel about classes being solely online, I prefer the in-class or hybrid model.
When I was in the dating scene, I thought it was important to be able to have a good phone conversation and exchanging emails was something I looked forward to, but this came after meeting in person.
In conclusion, I have seen online dating services work well for more mature adults that are tired of “playing games” and ready to be in a more serious commitment relationship.
Jackie,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story...thank you for sharing!! : )
Meghan
As a psychology major in undergrad, I feel that we learned a lot that suggests that using a system such as this would work to find great matches based on personality and other attributes that are vital to making a relationship work.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I must that say I am still skeptical of online dating services. This is mostly because people can say anything that they want about themselves which may or may not be true. I am wary that there are people out there who abuse the system. I do feel that there are probably a lot of great stories out there about people who found each other using E-Harmony, but is it worth the risk? I think I would have to say no. I just don’t feel comfortable trusting people that I have not ever met before.
At first thought, I wondered why this was even being posted... What does this have to do with educational technology in the least bit? After a couple days of thought, I remembered the first video that I watched in the first adult education class that I took in this program, i.e., Learning Theories with Dr. Estes. It was an example of a home-made movie of how adults learn based on the true-life story of a young couple who met, got married, and had a child. The video explained how the couple learned through social learning theory and situated cognition. It was very interesting to see this real-life situational example and I believe that the story in this thread is another similar example.
ReplyDeleteI have not ever personally used online dating or one of these sites but I do know of two people that have. One person I know met her now husband on myspace, in college. They have been married for about 2 years now and have a child. Another person I know is currently dating someone that they met online. So as far as I know it has a good track record especially I think with those sites such as e Harmony where they are supposed to really find someone that they think will be a good match. I don't think that it will hurt to try, you have to be cautious though but that is with any and everything. I think that its just like going out to a club, restaurant or bar, or where ever you like to meet people and then go on a date with them. You never know.
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ReplyDeleteI recently read a story online about a couple that met on Facebook because they had the same last name. Part of the headline read, "Love blossomed after Kelly Hildebrandt's online search led to – Kelly Hildebrandt" See the entire story at the following URL:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jul/21/same-name-couple-facebook-marry
The moral of the story, as far as I am concerned, is that it does not matter how people find their significant other, as long as they do find that person who they are happy with. Some ways seem to be more effective than others, but the result is most important. I feel that people may as well take advantage of the technology to learn who is out there that they might want to pursue. It might not be very reliable, but people can be dishonest in person as well as online, so it is just best to be careful no matter how you go about dating. If using an online service, you can at least go about the initial stages of dating conveniently.
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ReplyDeleteAaron,
ReplyDeleteI read the same story that you spoke of and I must say that it was very interesting...
As far as online dating is concerned, I have never used the services and I do not see myself using them. I agree with Kelly that age might have something to do with the success factor. I personally am skeptical as you mentioned because you do not know who you are meeting...the closest thing I can relate to an online situation is when I spent a month talking over the phone to the friend of a friend whom I'd never met... when I did finally meet him I found that he was vastly different than the picture I created in my head. So, that being said I think it also has a lot to do with whether you are the type of person to develop preconcieved notions about people based on speaking with them and whether you can set those notions aside when you finally meet the person. I don't feel as if I am that person, I like things to at least be close to what I expect so I think this dating style would create a problem for me in the long run.
As far as the money spent, I also feel as if that's crazy to spend that much per month for something that may never work. Furthermore, I have heard of those who have gone through the long process of filling out these personality test to be told that no matches could be found for them. Lastly, the thing that concerns me it what creates a "compatible" personality, does that mean that the personalities are just alike (because that could be boring) or that they are the complete opposite? How could you be sure that there would be the balance between complementing one another with a system like this?
Jackie - That's awesome that you met your husband through online dating. Proof in the power of online dating - it's not just an eharmony commercial! My cousin also just married someone he met online over Thanksgiving weekend.
ReplyDeleteReally I believe online dating helps make dating "accessible" for some people. hahaha... It's kind of funny to think about in that way, but it's true! For example - if you're a young professional living in a small rural town because that's where your job opportunity was, then there's not a large chance that there are many other young professionals to meet. So many people are moving to the cities and retiring in the rural communities. So, if you're in an area where you can't meet a lot of people, then online dating provides a great platform to making meeting others accessible!
This posting certainly sparked the comments - or is it that you were trying to catch up with your quota?? In any event, this reminds me about many of the conversations we have around technology. The 'technology' is neither good nor bad - the 'people' make the difference.
ReplyDeletetest
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